What was I thinking?  I mean really.  Even if she did like me and we went out with me after she left her husband would I really be happy?  Yes and no.  Mostly no. 

I saw her today talking to John, whom she already admitted an attraction to, and I realized "you know, as much as I like her, I can't make her like me.  And even if she did, is she someone that I would really want?"  So I got to thinking about it.  She has two small kids and a would be huge ex-husband who could wup me like a j.v. squad.  And even if I remained in pieces after my butt wuppin' would she be someone one I would want to be with?

Mariah can be a mean girl.  Meaning she says mean, hurtful things, kindof like I can do at times but I have learned to keep my mouth shut.  She does not like going to sporting events.  She does not like my type of music at all.  She is not very educated.  She is super close to her family and I am not with mine.  She has no ambitions for herself about making herself better.  She has no interest in seeing other places in the country.  I could go on and on about the things that we do not have in common but there really is no point in doing that. 

So let me think about some of the things we do have in common.  We both like to cook.  We like to watch movies.  We work at the same place.  Niether of us have cable (I just had mine cut off).  I have sat here for five minutes trying to come up with some other things but to no avail.

I have to face some facts here.  Physically, she is a dream for me but since I have been through that before I have learned that the physical part of a relationship wears off and there has to be more to it than that.  Damn reality.

So in some ways reality is a relief.  Why do I say that?  I really do not want a relationship in that way.  I like being single.  I do not have to answer to anyone and I like that.  Right now the hurricane vic and I have gone out a couple of times with no strings attatched, just friends, and that is fun.  Neither of us have to impress each other and that makes life easier.  I have no "interest" in her and she has none in me. 

I guess that after the "opportunity" came about her being single again and taking a broader look at the whole picture, I have come to the conlusion that after the three years that I have had a crush on her in reality she is nothing more than that.  A simple crush.